So for the past few days I’ve been embroiled in a bit of a flame war with a friend of mine that is very intelligent, albeit not nearly as well versed in the ways of the world as I feel someone of his years (28) should be. Because of this handicap, he, and several other likeminded individuals who suffer from similar prejudices that have arisen from his sheltered history, have taken it upon themselves to assert their religious ideation toward people who would seek to make a life with someone of the same sex. Now I know that the whole gay and lesbian thing is a touchy subject and will continue to be a contentious issue for a long time, but I think where the flaw in our handling has been made is that we’re fighting this battle in a courtroom and in the public arena of policy and law, instead of leaving something like to where it should be decided, at the dinner table and at the discretion of each individual family.
My parents, for all their flaws and shortcomings, instilled no sense of prejudice and bigotry in me. I may not find myself attracted to or enamored with women of a certain ethnicity or heritage but that doesn’t mean I look at them with any less respect. I have argued the points with him and his followers at great length, pushing the limits of what Facebook is capable of handling in a single comment or even multiple comments at once, and I noticed two things. The first thing that came to mind is that the responses offered by these close minded zealots in condemnation of my claims that the LBGT community should be left to their own devices and allowed to pursue the same freedoms, rights, and dissemination of information the same as any other group in this country, is that their arguments are grounded in a religious ideology that teaches sin, but they don’t use their dogma itself to support their claim, using the fear and paranoia of less enlightened periods in time or the burden that such a thing would put upon the average tax payer and having the legitimizing of an alternative lifestyle shoved down the throats of our youth. As anyone with half a brain cell that doesn’t belong to the church of L. Ron Hubbard can attest, it’s absolute hyperbole. The entire issue is just a dog and pony show to distract the mass populace from the fact that dollar has become insolvent, the recession is still here and growing in some areas, our country is now owned by China, and our law makers and policy writers have become supremely ineffective, so much so that defaults and inaction has led to a breakdown of civil and state governments in some parts of the world. So in the words of Bill Hicks, “Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again. Here. Here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up. Go back to bed, America. Here is American Gladiators. Here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go, America! You are free to do as we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!”
Now I’m not going to bring that fight here for a number of reasons, chief among them, the Asylum is my baby, I’ve used it and abused it as I’ve chosen and those of you who haven’t left are reminded with the archives of how that journey’s gone. This place is about thought and discussion true enough, but I want discourse motivated by actual thought, not doctrine or dogma. I don’t push beliefs, I try to get you thinking, disagree with me? Say something! Nikki, thank you for offering dissidence in the past, your voice has been welcomed and I respect you for your arguments and your disagreement, same for you Aurora. You are free to comment as you see fit, but the one thing I won’t allow in this Asylum, as long as I’m the one standing on the phone book pontificating, is the overt presence or use of a bigoted Christian God to make an argument or support discussion. He doesn’t want me in his house, I don’t want him in mine.
The second thing that struck me is how fervently I’ve been fighting these ostriches and arguing my points to make them see that no rapid dissolution of their grand land and the Leave It To Beaver image of our country they still cling to, is going to come out of the masses accepting that some people just love people of the same sex. There will be no second coming, no catastrophe, no chaos or mass murder (Charles Manson is still safely behind bars), the only thing that will happen is that within the next thirty or so years, these men and women will no longer be targeted or persecuted en masse because of their sexual habits and orientations. Fear is the language of hate, and hate allows one to be prejudiced and insecure, to hide behind scripture and religion to validate oppression and injustice. Human beings fear what they don’t understand, always has been and probably always will be. We’re incredible creatures, capable of remarkable things, but we’re still really fucking stupid. It’s only been four hundred years since the Salem witch trials, and less than one hundred years since a one balled gay Austrian named Adolf Hitler convinced an entire country that if they killed Jews, gays, Soviets, the infirm, the elderly, and the handicapped their lives would get better. I ask you, how far have we come since then? I look at it this way, this entire topic of discussion is really nothing more than smoke and mirrors to incite idealistic talks and keep the middle class warring with itself over something that less than 1% really have taken the time to understand or make an attempt to accept (I’ve got a two cousins that are/were gay [one decided he was straight], and a former uncle who’s now an aunt, I accept them, I love them, they’re people I respect and I wish them nothing but the best in their lives and their pursuits), while the rich make off with what little actual wealth this country has left. But beyond that, there’s a truth, something I have been preaching and I still fervently believe, the pursuit of love, the endeavor of finding happiness and acceptance in the arms of another is one of the noblest things one can do. I feel a kinship with these people, not because I have similar sexual proclivities or anything like that, but because these people, these men and women are invariably brave. I spent 4 years toiling, struggling, and fighting, giving all of myself to validate a love that everyone else told me I was nuts for believing in. I laid it all on the line and I left myself open time and again, but I never gave up, hell I know it’ll incite fury in a few of you, but I still look at my phone with baited breath every day after work, hoping and wishing for it to ring. I fought for my love, and I would go on fighting, I would go on battling. These brave men and women do the same, they face down scores of people that decry and insult them for their pursuits, they endure taunts and slurs, injury and embarrassment, setback and hardship, all to find acceptance and companionship with someone that truly makes them happy. It’s a wonderfully beautiful thing to know that with all of the intolerance and disdain in the world, there are still some that are willing to fight for what really matters.
This realization prompted me to think about how we love, and how we show it. I’ve got a friend that has been detailing to me, woefully, over the past couple weeks how much she hates herself for playing with her boyfriend like a yo-yo. She cares for him deeply, feels the connection and will admit to me that she’s in love with him but can’t bring herself to say it to him. The entire thing got me thinking about my history. I love Nicole, but despite my memory, I can’t remember where I was, what I was doing, or when I first told her I loved her. I know exactly where I was when I first called her my girlfriend, but that one moment, that single instant when I laid my heart bare and said those three little words with full force and conviction, I can’t for the life of me put together even a framework of what circumstances of situation was in play when they first passed my lips into her ears. But it’s all been food for thought, something for my brain to chew on and really try to piece together. Why is everyone so afraid? If you love someone, part of that means knowing them well enough to know they’re not going to laugh at you for being honest and sharing your feelings. I remember Nicole telling me that some of the most treasured things I own now; she bought for me in an effort to get me to like her. I smile to myself at that memory because deep down I know she didn’t have to, I already liked her, I fell in love with her after a little more than a month but it was some time later before I bared myself enough to utter the words. We all do it, we try to get someone’s attention, endeavor to make them show interest and affection, and we do it in different ways, but how many of us are able or ready to really commit when the time comes to do it? Why are so many afraid of love and happiness? Further, why is some love and happiness encouraged while others are disparaged? I think it comes down to method of expression. We’re afraid of doing it wrong. The media, the Christian Coalition, Jerry Falwell, and even the evangelical bible thumpers that come to our doors try to make us behave and believe certain things in certain ways. We become indoctrinated to believe that there is a wrong way to love, a wrong way to be happy, so we live in fear of making a mistake and do nothing. We linger forever on the precipice, never mustering the courage to take the plunge. I have to be honest though, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to love someone. You either do, or you don’t. Nicole lived in fear that she wasn’t good enough, that she couldn’t make me happy, that she wouldn’t be enough for me, she would cease to stimulate me mentally or emotionally, but I think that loving someone, as deeply as I love her, or even half as much, means knowing and relaying reasonable and agreeable expectations on that person; being willing to compromise, instead of reaching for the stars, aim for just one, the right one. Being with the right person is far better than being with multiple people, and being able to stand naked, emotionally bare, and feel secure in the knowledge that the person looking upon you sees you and it changes nothing, that’s connection. So while I know this has been a bit repetitive of many recent posts, and even covered very familiar ground in what is no doubt becoming a bit hackneyed, I ask you, look inside yourselves, and ask, do I have the courage to follow my heart, to pick up the phone and tell that special person that I love them, without condition or concession, explanation or justification, do I love them enough not just to say it, but to show it, and to let them love me back? Ask yourself that question and if the answer is yes, and that person is already with you, show them you care, thank them for being so wonderful and recognize how lucky you are that you both chose love over fear. If that person is away, near or far, away or close, know that true love will never die, two souls interconnected will never sever or disappear, and only by embracing and pursuing love, by being willing to endure all challenges, all headaches, all traumas, all heartache, suffering through it all and coming out the other side and never feeling regret can you truly know that the love you find is meant to be. Bravery is a virtue too often overlooked in favor of humility or kindness, but it is perhaps the only one that matters when it comes to connecting with another human being so that you both can enjoy and experience something so infinitely beautiful that words defy its description.
