I'd like to apologize in advance...

Okay it’s been a wee bit too long since I’ve posted anything new. Creative energies don’t translate very well when I’m borderline “walking dead”. But I’m not whining, just justifying. I’ve been in touch with most of you lately and have explained the extenuating circumstances for my lack of creative ability for this particular venue. All of that aside however let’s talk shop here for a minute. Most of the time when I do one of these I have some kind of emotional impetus that drives me to begin writing. While I have the emotional catalyst it’s highly muted given my weary and somewhat addled brain so this may come off a wee bit dry but I promise the next one will be exactly what you’ve come to expect.

I had a conversation with Aurora the other night and during our discussion (we talked about a great many things that I won’t dare repeat here) the topic came up of the way that we define relationships. Now I’m the last person to rehash old news and recycle my ideas, but she’s touched on it before, and I’ve even mentioned but never really done a piece dedicated to it. There is a dangerous social aversion casual sex. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m the last person that can bed down easily with just anyone, I’ll flirt like no other but when the bar yells last call, I’ve got my keys in my hand I’m out the door and in bed before the first tab is closed out.

But I have needs, the same as anyone else. Carnal desires and I’ve succumbed to the trappings of the flesh a couple times, but if I’m not into the person or can’t see myself eventually growing to love that person than I will do my level best to keep my flirting to a minimum and prevent the wrong idea from coming across.

Enough about my habits though. What we’re dealing with here is a tendency for people to regard flirting as a gateway of sorts and that somehow sex with that person immediately suggests, denotes, connotes, or requires some kind of deeper emotional connection. Why can’t sex just be something carnal, purely physical and nothing more? We’re sexual beings at our core. We like sex. It’s fun, feels staggeringly good (provided you have a partner with half a clue or at least that takes suggestion, or worse can give you some direction), and is great for relaxing.

But despite the wide spread whispers of one night stand abounding (because of my association with a certain man whore, I’ve been made of a great many one night stands) most of us can just never bring ourselves to have them. The connotation seems to be that if you sleep with someone without any connection or expectation of it becoming something more, than you don’t respect yourself or you’re compensating for something. Why can’t it just be that you were horny and there was someone there to fulfill your needs?

It seems that it’s almost a crime against oneself for any measure of indulgence. And this doesn’t come out of any misguided religious idealism although the major defenders of this practice will most likely sight some obscure upbringing where they were indoctrinated to see sex as something holy, sacred, and overtly valued. I’m not advocating mindless hookups or the rampant spread of countless STD’s (although it would thin the gene pool considerably) rather I’m asking for sex to be seen for what it is. It’s like eating, farting, taking a shit, or self mutilation; it’s just a physical action that you can’t do yourself. When you love the person it takes on a whole different dynamic because the emotions are there to begin with but if you see someone across a crowded bar and think, “Wow I’d love to get them back to my bed!” where’s the harm in trying? Use protection and go have some fun.

Society and years of repression have indoctrinated us into believing that sex is still a taboo to discuss in public, something you don’t mention in certain venues, or just subject matter that we shy away from. It’s sex. Not torture, not maiming, not even rape. It’s sex between two consenting adults for mutual physical gratification. You’re not finding a life partner or seeking out answers to the deepest and most profound questions in the universe, you’re getting naked and knocking your hips against someone else’s for a few hours in the hopes that you’ll achieve a biochemical release of hormones and proteins that cause euphoria and pleasure. Sorry to go so scientific but if we’re going to make any head way let’s strip away the bullshit.

Now I mentioned that when you love the person it’s a whole different situation, and it is. Having sex with someone you care about is done as much for mutual carnal pleasure as it is for emotional closeness. You open yourself up emotionally to your partner and really let your innermost feelings come out. You trust completely (or you should) and you’re able to achieve the heights of pleasure. It brings two people closer together by providing a physical expression of the emotional connection that is already shared. It is for this reason that I believe the term “making love” is still applicable to this instance of sex because it holds a deeper meaning.

Now carnal, drunken “you look great after 9 shots” sex is entirely different from what I mentioned above. A casual bar hook up is done for no other reason than to get yours, you don’t have to please your partner, you don’t have to last long, and there’s no obligation of anything beyond that one instance of animalistic pleasure. It’s the ultimate win-win. You get to feel incredible and ideally there should be no guilt involved.

But like so many other things, society complicates and contrives things which only becomes a perpetuating cycle. Casual sex is seen as a complete taboo unless you are willing to acknowledge that you lack self respect, and in order to find the joy and rapture that comes with sex you willingly get involved with someone that you might not really value emotionally. It’s a sickness that is perpetuated by society and really, what purpose does it serve. Casual consensual sex does not obligate a relationship in the same way that a relationship doesn’t require sex, but it sure helps!