Would you like some Chesse with your Whiny Bitch Syndrome?

The New Year began with nothing so spectacular as a raucous party or a mind numbing hook up, but rather with relative quiet serenity brought about by the blue wash of a television. Enjoying the company of close friends and relishing the warmth of being off the street and away from the chaos outside, it could have been more, but it most definitely could have been worse. Embracing the coming year meant accepting the passing of old things, lying to rest some juvenile tendencies, relishing the coming events and looking beyond my own shortsighted endeavors. Old friends had passed into the wayside, but new friends were made. I ended the most debilitating relationship I’ve ever been in, courted a new lady friend and realized that my powers of deduction and reasoning were not isolated to one person but that I could form a deep emotional connection with someone I hadn’t seen in a decade. While the ramifications of the realization served to splinter the dynamic, mainly out of fear, it did serve as validation of a talent that all too often I downplay and regard with humility. Aside from the relationship stuff I suffered some of the wickedest vitriol ever dished out by my father, saw the limits of my emotional capacity realized and found that I am capable of enduring incredible things. I welcomed my nephew into the world, which I’m still unsure of how to regard so indifference is the chosen response. I invested in my car, obtained two jobs, and realized above all else that I’m a better person than I give myself credit for being.

I’m not nearly as emotionally callous as I claim to be, unless I choose to be, and in that I’ve found that I’m exactly where I want to be, in complete control of my emotions, able to connect, commit, and feel as I choose. I have also learned incredible things. While the edict I clung to before my dalliance with Nicole was one which asserted all feeling to be a form of weakness, I now see that extreme emotion can be debilitating if left unchecked. I reeled in my own hubris, ascribed the worst of my habits to my own choices, and made conscious efforts to limit them.

Aside from all of the emotional growth, the relationship learning, and the sordid bouts of romance, let me leave you with something a bit more up lifting. Right now, for many, life is too mired in the shortcomings that we’re forced to recognize every day. Not enough money, too many bills, not enough time, too much drama, things seeming too hard, a slew of things, situations, people, and circumstances that seem far too daunting and imposing for us to endure or survive. But take it from someone who has seen the ugly side of what life has to offer, there is good out there. I have endured unimaginable things in my life, family so fractured and polarized as to elicit silent cries of emotional agony, the scathing expression of deep emotion that comes to little more than strung together sounds, and some of the most heart wrenching goodbyes you can imagine. But there is still good in the world. I’ve been lucky enough to surround myself with some of the best friends money can’t buy, a mind and an intellect sharp enough to accept and adapt to the ever changing circumstances, and an as yet unbreakable resolve to persevere and endure the worst the world can throw at me.

So do me a favor guys, before you go washing your hands of the passing year and relegating all that is to be learned from it, take a moment to reflect on all you’ve been through, all that you’ve seen, all of the good times, all of the bad experiences, every moment you can remember and embrace it for all that it is. Good cannot exist without evil, and thus we cannot appreciate our blessings unless we acknowledge our shortcomings. Be thankful for all you’ve endured because, trust me on this, it all works to make us far better people than who we would be otherwise. See you guys in the New Year, may it be better than the passing one, but just as enlightening and full of opportunities for growth.

-T