I’m back! Welcome to the asylum kiddies. This should have been the proper first post but I was a bit mired in my own self loathing and a bit of much needed, but slow, catharsis. Well I’ve reached the apex of my Ænema and I’m proud to say that I’m back in rare form. I’m once again a keyboard cowboy, and I’m just itching to find some further measure of release. Catharsis, I’ve found, is best done in an incremental process and with the right frame of mind.
Right now I’m struck by just how insipid it appears that humanity is capable of being. Lost in their own little agendas, oblivious to the world that seeks to suck them down; I can’t help but laugh. So now we stand on the precipice of something great, something that has been a long time coming, the true measure of what might be and what should not be. A decision tantamount to complete isolation brought on by abuse or openness to continue attempting to enjoy some measure of life and all its offerings. The choice is simple yet the gravity of it is almost unbearable. Deny the more decent inclinations I’ve cultivated in the recent years and return to the mired torpor of chaos I once called home, freely floating among the demons in my mind, or continue to leave myself open to the endless barrage of those seeking to better themselves through the suffering of others.
All of this I’m sure is a bit heavy for most of you, having no doubt gotten used to the softer bubbly side of things that I’ve been posting, but long time readers will recognize the pattern. Logic dictates that we should fear and avoid that which causes pain, while emotion is devoid of logic and seeks to continue with the engendering of that agony. Bring together the best and worst of humanity and you have a singular being, with infinite ability to cause or abate the endless suffering of others. I once believed myself to be this world’s destroyer, the herald of the coming end, but I see now the folly of it all. I was not intended to blindly condemn the whole of existence, but to experience the set back and tribulation of so many others and become steadily less accepting of that pain. To live in a world that freely engenders this pain without due course, process or warrant is sick, and I am the cure to that sickness.
Ah sorry got a little self-righteous there, my deepest apologies. What I mean to say is that I’ve found a pattern of sorts to the dealings and decisions of people. Open yourself up; become vulnerable to anything even for a second and inevitably you wind up with a pain that you can’t shake. It’s not because of any true maliciousness it’s simple that man kind is made up of selfish ignorant beings and we can’t help but be selfish and inconsiderate of others. People say I complicate shit, I think it’s just human nature that shit gets complicated.
I'm sure you complicate shit. But some people just do. They like to make drama, or drama follows them around like the spiderwebs one walks into at night.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, it's true. People are super fragile. The ones that aren't... well I don't know. I think it is good they won't hurt themselves; but they miss out on how wonderful it is to trust someone so completely that you ARE vulnerable.
The inherent problem here is that those who are willing to become vulnerable and experience the potential for true connection with another human being, ultimately end up being burned by those they trusted most. The sad fact of the matter is that trust is a weakness and the only cure is isolation.
ReplyDeleteI agree with ya, trust is a weakness.
ReplyDeleteIve heard it say thousands of times "I trust him/her completely, he/she would never hurt me or take advantage of my trust"....and then what happens???? They get fucked over 6 ways from Sunday and they are left withered and broken inside.
Isolation is a good cure but you do have to trust a little, I say trust to a point but keep your gard on watch for intruders.
On a side note...you and I dont fully trust one another and I think thats how we've been friends for so long. We're always on guard cause in the back of our minds we know that we could murder one another if we really wanted to.
Anyway, great post!
you and i don't have choice in the matter. ultimately, if we ever decided to destroy each other it would be mutually assured destruction on a level that would make nuclear fall out seem like a play ground skirmish.
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